VIVA MEXICO!

What an amazing week, as always! The post is a little late, sorry, but better late than never right?!

Here is everyone in front of our fabulous San Diego hosts, Fletcher Hills Pres. This year we took 90+ high school students and adults! Crazy but fun! They were fantastic!

Our group was split into 5 teams... here's mine! They're rad students! The students spend months planning and preparing to put on 4 days of vacation bible school for local church's and their communities. They did a great job preparing a themed vbs called "en sus brazos" and were totally flexible when we arrived at our church for Sunday service and learned they didn't want us to put on a vbs!

We spent two days mixing and pouring concrete where we were standing in the last picture... here's the finished product!

Our Mexican host church, Iglesia de Cristo has AMAZING ministries in place that we got to help support! They have a group of neighborhood kids of about 25 that we hosted a one day of vbs for but in addition Anna runs a program in another neighborhood for 70+ kids! They also have a rad elderly ministry. A group of 100+ seniors meet down at the harbor once a week to pray and fellowship. Anna and her congregation care for these amazing people calling them their adopted abuelitos. We got to spend a beautiful afternoon with them right by the water. The students and adults adopted 4-5 "abuelitos". They learned eachothers names, prayed and sang together in English and Spanish. They will (hopefully) send a card or two throughout the year and lift them up in prayer. It was so exciting to get to forge new territory for FPC and Azusa Pacific as well moving from children's ministries to elderly!

The week was really encouraging for me personally! I was surrounded by people who know me and love me well. As much as I adore San Diego there's something to be said for having history with people. I loved getting to spend time with Mary Sob, Marie, Sarah and some of the other girls/women on the trip but I was especially blessed by my time with Godly men. Scott Battenfield and Senior "Curt" Hobbs are two men I've known for years and years who love well. They, among other men on the trip, exemplify Godly men and fathers. They love their children well, but put their wives before them and most importantly, God first. Thank you guys for your encouragement, character and love. You're the best!

The Hardest Easiest Question

"What do you want, Man P?"

Last night I got to talk to my good friend Dan for a fantastic two hours. Dan knows me well, he loves me and cares for me well. We spent the summer together in Malawi and ironically have talked about our experiences very litle. Last night he asked me (again) the question that seems impossible for me to answer- what do I want?

Here's my easy answer... I want to be in God's will and know it. Even as I type that I know it's a cop out. True, yes but not the whole truth. That's not even an answer, what am I thinking? Why do I have such trouble answering that question? Am I afraid of my own answer? Am I afraid to dream it? Probably. Dan kept telling me, Man P you're in the best place ever, you have every option available. I remember crying on the phone to my amazing brother before I left for Africa. I felt like I had nothing to come home to. He made Dr. Hokoda proud and reframed my negative thinking telling me that I had everything to come home to, anything. Why isn't that exciting for me? It should be! Am I avoiding my own responsibility in it? If I try something and it's not perfect then it's not my fault, I didnt chose it. I don't think I'm afraid of failing... then what is it?

I know my next step in life is a stage. All of life is- little steps and stages put together to make a beautiful and hopefully faithfully used God-given time on earth. I know in my head that whatever I end up doing next is not what I have to do forever. I could, like Dan suggested, go back to Africa for a few years and then come back.

Dan will be talking at some conference about what team leaders can do to prepare their teams traveling to Africa. Here's what I don't think I could have heard enough- most people don't really care about your experiences in Africa. I think most people care a little but don't know how to ask the right questions to hear about it. They want to see one or two pictures of the cute snotty nosed orphan without shoes and they want to hear, "it was amazing, it changed my life, they have so little but are so happy" bla bla bla. Does anyone really have that report when they come back? ... that was tangent.

Oprah a few days ago was about the law of attraction and the power of possitive thinking. A little cooky, yes, and a bit off but almost inline! How do get what we want and know we got what we wanted if we didnt know we wanted it. Flood encourages us to make "dream boards" or what they called on the show "vision boards". You cut out images and words from magazines that reflect yours dreams and where you want your life to go. What would Amanda's new dream board look like? Maybe Ill make one tomorrow.

I want...

passion

purpose

family

community/connection/intimacy

excitment

I can't wait to go to Mexico this year. When can I ever? That ranch represents clarity in my life. It's where I first felt God's calling on my life to live on the edge. It's where I first fell in love with waking up each morning with no other purpose but to glorify God. It's where I first felt used meaningfully. It's my holy ground. I can't think of a better place to ground myself and do some good old thinking and soul searching. Maybe I'll be able to answer the hardest easiest question of my life there. maybe. Maybe it will be life Africa was for me and create more questions than answers. We'll see.

Lord, give me courage to answer the question. I think you're glorified in our dreams. I don't believe you want us to fear them. I miss dreaming, what's going on in me that has made me stop? You are the Lord of our dreams and the One who can make them come to fruition. Father, take my hopes, fears and aprhention and let my dreams soar. You are a soverign God and my heart has refuge remembering that you hold it in delicate balance.

to clarify...

I am not engaged... not even close.
My brother called me tonight, after supressing the urge from 2:30 this morning to call. He read my blog early this morning and was convinced I was engaged (or at least was asked) and had neglected to tell him. Just in case you had the same thought I'd like put you at ease... I'm not :) And! If I were, and you read this blog... you'd probably among the first to know!

I'm off to a goodbye party for my friend Chelsea. She's moving to Australia tomorrow! Crazy! Afterward we might be headed to one of my and my roommates favorite places in San Diego- Incahoots for some good ol line dancing! YEE HAW!

P.S. I went to the bay and walked this morning... if you live in San Diego and haven't walked around the bay- go do it! Its a really nice walk... if you can get over the sound from the freeway ;)

African Relections, more to come

January 17 2008, 5 months from the day I left Malawi, Africa. I feel like I am just beginning to process the chaos and beauty I experienced for two of the shortest and longest months of my life. Will I ever fully process my experiences in Malawi? I don’t believe I will. They were times that challenged me beyond belief, exposed me to unimaginable heartache and accustomed me to a love I had yet to know.
I absolutely love to talk about Malawi and Africa as a whole. I thrive off questions, good and specific questions. Teaching people about the realities of Africa, poverty and the joy of salvation I experienced there gives me life. My time in Africa was not spiritually filling like my time in Mexico almost always is but it was spiritually real. The reality of death in Africa is so much more vibrant than it is here and that is depressing when you realize so many of the dead had tribal beliefs and were likely unsaved. At the same time the reality of death brings a joy of salvation we aren’t blessed with in North America. When death is real life is real and I long for nothing more in my life than a true sense of reality… I think. Authenticity is what I love and that is what I got.
In one of my pre-Africa journal entries I write, “where you lead, I will follow- scared and excited”. That is still my montra but now I am unsure of the path. In May I knew I was headed to Malawi, confident in God’s lead but now I sit in my beautiful, ridiculous, room temperature house wondering where I’m going. Where ever it is I long for it to be drenched in His presence. I was so afraid that I was called to full time missions then. Now I feel like I’m ready to go- I just am not sure that’s where I’m supposed to go. I sit in limbo wondering. If full time missions is it then God, lets go. It will hurt, it takes time, Malawi taught me many realities of full time missions. If that is my future I’m ready to go. I just long for the go ahead. I feel like I’m sitting stagnant at a fork with two amazing, beautiful and vibrant paths ahead of me. Each filled with much joy, hardship and love. How do I know which one is for me? Are they both for me and God will be wherever I am? Is it like choosing a college? Pray over it, make some pro and con lists, think a little logistically and go? They are just so drastically different- much more different than San Diego State or Sac State. Every single thing would be different. I know that in what seems like no time I will be looking back at this entry and thinking- why was I freaking out. God is good and so is His work in my life. I was headed in the right direction. I trust in that now. I just get stuck in thinking about where I will be looking back from. Will it be a humble shack in Malawi or Mexico as I relax with my missionary husband after spending all my energy loving on the oppressed and sick? Or will it be from my cozy bed in the U.S. as I consider raising a family near my own? Both will be filled with love, passion and energy. That’s how I live but they are night and day. I feel like this is the turning point- I am at the edge of something beautiful, it’s just over the horizon but when will I catch a glimpse of what’s to come?
In another journal entry I ask God to reveal to me the places I run to when I want to hide from God or His calling. Am I hiding? Is that why I can’t decide? I still pray Lord, they my heart is yours first. I used to think I wanted You to have it first because You wouldn’t let it break. That’s not true. You will, for the things that break yours and I continue to pray what I have prayed since high school. Lord, break my heart for the things that break Yours. I desire more than anything to be motivated by what motivates You. I long to make change where you desire to see it. If that motivation comes from a broken heart then bring on the breaking. I want to love how you love and teach what You teach. You are my Master, Healer, Redeemer, Father, Lover, Friend. You are good and faithful. Teach me what I need to learn and may my desire to learn from You never be fully quenched.

“I call, You answer and you came to my rescue and I want to be where You are”.

A Christmas Past

After a sweet prompting from my dear friend Carly I thought I would update my blog! Carly, thanks for the shopping trip in your closet here's to you... incase you dont know my dear friend, here we are pre-cameron on her back patio while Noah and Macy played together.

I hope you all had a great Christmas! Im currently in Sac soaking up time with family and getting to work with my mom! So fun! I've been working in "the field" (of social work) for a few years now on my own but for the first time Im working with my mom! Its kind of wierd but awesome at the same time! We find ourselves telling the girls the same exact thing, responding to something the same and just enjoying our time together. I love my mom.

Before I left San D my precious roomies had a Christmas party at our house! It was so fun! We love love love having friends over and enjoying eachother. Aaaaaand we got to do it with Christmas trees, lights, cocoa, and Christmas carols!

Here's a nice shot of some of us belting out some Christmas carols. Brittni found a sweet feature on our far too expensive cable that has Christmas kareoke. You bet we took full advantage of that!

This is an unrelated but fun picture none the less. It was at Flood's college tacky tinsel Christmas party. Party of the classic san diego tacky Christmas sweater party tradition. My "babies" or bible study girls and I had a blast. Here some of them are looking oh-so-tacky. Love you babies!

My home home church has a rad family Christmas eve service every year. My mom and I went and got to see old friends, sang good carols and partook in one amazingly interactive retelling of the birth of Jesus. Good work Children's Ministries- it was so fun! The was complete with the little ones collecting the offering... or "Jesus' birthday present" if you will. My favorite kid was the one going from pew to pew asking with hands outstretched "do YOU have anything to go to JESUS?" ... scratch that. My favorite kid was the one wandering the isles yelling "SPARE CHANGE... ANYONE HAVE ANY SPARE CHANGE" good job fpc... you're raising those future bell ringers well. I also got to hear Abby Battenfield sing in a little quintent. She did a great job and made this babysitter quite proud. Good job Abs!

I am LOVE LOVE LOVING getting to spend time with Noah! Hes growing SO fast (as they all do... right?) And melts my heart when he calls me "P" and more often than not... "Di di P" We'll see where those names take us. He is a happy, silly boy who is rather adventurous. I cant wait to see him grow up! I love that kid!

Here's a horrible shot of me but a great one of Noah enjoying his Christmas present from yours truely... a sit n spin. He'll probably break something on it... a bone... a table. those are the best toys- arent they?

I just cant resist more Noah shots... here he is getting ready for Christmas eve at Nonnies. So cute.

That's all for now, Carly, Ill try to keep up better! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Fire update

An answered prayer... the fire didn't move too much last night!

The fires have grown and a few more have started but today aircrafts dropping water and retardant have been allowed up today. There is still no end in sight.

The is still breathable but schools are cancled all week... too bad that doesn't benefit me any more haha

They are allowing some of the 5130,000 evacuees back to their houses but hundreds and hundreds of them are demolished.

My church Flood has set up a make shift call center today. They are calling affected members and linking them to the help they need. We will hopefully put our huge house to use. We offered up to 4 people to stay for up to three days. We'll see who we get!

Thanks for your concern! Ill keep you updated if anything changes!

San Diego Fires

Hi friends and fam!

I just wanted to update you all on what's going on in San Diego and how I and my loved ones down here are doing. Thanks for your concern and prayers...

If you're checking this you've probably already heard and are wondering how I'm doing (thanks!). I won't bore you with the details but basically 1/4 to 1/2 million people have been evacuated with about the same number of acres burned in San Diego county. For more details go ahead and check the website I've been checking http://www.sandiego.gov/ohs/reverse911/index.shtml

My house is fine and idealy placed considering the locations of the multiple fires. I live at the junction of the 5 and the 8 (for you nor cal'ers... 5 and 8) at the boarder of "Linda Vista" and "Bay Park". The fires are however kind of closing in around us. To be quite honest if we ge evacuated there are not too many places left to go.

The closest evacuations are in Del Mar which is probably less than 10 miles up the 5. The fire is not in Del Mar as of now but they are excpecting it to be. Between Del Mar and my house is mostly houses and businesses, not a ton of brush and vegitation, which is good. We're praying it doesn't move through La Jolla and Pacific Beach because we'd be the next area.

The air isn't that bad yet either. We'll see in the morning. Today it was just obviously smokey with some ashes around. The highways aren't clogged either.

Rest assured- we have bags packed with overnight stuff and important papers (passports, birth certificates, social security cards ext) and i have a sleeping bag, blow up mattress (thank you mexico trips) and a small pillow. We're ready to go if we need to go- hopefully we won't.

My church and friends are taking care of eachother and everything will be fine. It just might be a freaky few days. If you'd like to call, you may but we're not really supposed to use our phones that much to avoid clogging the systems. Buuuut if you're like my mom and will feel a million times better having talked to me just call.

Thanks for your concern! I'll keep you updated as I can!

Amanda