San Diaaagoooo!

Im in San Diego! Horray! Last night was so fun! Tyrone and Andy and I went to the SDSU basketball and then hopped on over to the Blarney Stone where we ran into none other than my fabulous friend Mark Sayovitz!! YES! Wonderful! We had a great time and I even got to visit with Bryan, my old roommate Sarah's brother! He's in town with his roommate Alex for the Campus Crusade conference. Today Im getting hair did and meeting everyone at Cass Street for some cheap blue moon (who are we kidding, Im having a roy rodgers) and shuffle board! Im excited for shopping with Sarah (what better place than San Diego to stock up on bathing suits, flip flops and sun dresses) for HAWAII (my nanny fam is taking me to hawaii for with pro bowl in Feb) and for New Years! Brittni gets back in town wednesday and I cant wait! I miss her like craaaazy! And Im STOKED for Kelly and Camerons wedding on Saturday (the real reason Im even in SD this week)
I know you're all thrilled with this update- if I would have thought of it I would have uploaded some of the pictures weve taken in the last few days while I was waiting for Andy to pick me up... to little too late :) the three of you would read my blog will just have to wait. Sorry.

Merry Tahoe!

My fabulous nanny fam is too good to me and brought me along a little Tahoe trip last weekend! We went up with their family friends the Shipleys. Their girls are the same age as my girls and go to the same schools. I spend lots of time with Jen and Randy at pick up and drop offs at school. They're a lot of fun and super nice! We had a wonderful time in Heavenly village at the Marriot. It was BEAUTIFUL! Saturday was perfect weather and the girls went to ski and snowboard school and everyone went skiing. Sunday was a little gloomier but we had a wonderful morning snow tubing! Each busy day ended with a chilly run to the spa. There's nothing more relaxing than sitting in a hot spa watching people ice skate in the snow.

I got a new camera from the Barkleys for Christmas so watch out for lots more posts! I hope you guys have a fabulously Merry Christmas!

I'll be in San Diego next week! YAY!

Here are some tubing shots!
This is me and the Shipley girls on a tube train! woo woo!

A Barkley (my nanny fam) family photo
Elizabeth (nanny fam mom) and Delaney. A classic Laney pose.Here are the girls! Kaitlyn, Brooke, Sarah and Delaney pre tubing

My "bosses"

to make up for lost time

I thought I'd make it up to the Pray's and my other blog lurkers (those who check my blog and are secretly irritated I don't update it but I don't know they check it so I don't think to update it...) and update you all pictorally (is that a word) on my life since I've moved back to the sac-towney... er. sacramento.

Here we have some of the lovely woman of the FPC high school ministry at HUME LAKE. Laura Lenters, me, Kathryn, Marie and Renee. We sadly missed my dear Cindy Bal. We had a blast, of course! Very few discipline issues, some RAD RAD conersations, crazy games, intsense spirit days and sweet memories made at the lake :) Nothing like Hume. I got to see a lot of the staff I've worked with in the past up there which was SO fun! Both of my old bosses went from newly married and now both have two kids! My old boss Kevin told me I was one of his best workers... totally flattering because I thought he hated me. Yay!
Here is my cabin. All 10 of them :) They were really fun and a great mix of girls! I think my spleen was rupturing as this photo was taken.

I got a fish! This is my precious nephew Noah holding my fish. My mom affectionatly named the new fish Wooden Spoon in rememberance of my old beta, Spatula. Noah liked meeting him and was an excellent help in picking Wooden Spoon out. He's a good fish.My grama turned 80! We had a real fun birthday party for her during the summer. Swimming. Yummy food. Family and old people.

I visited Lindsay in the Bay area! We hung out with Nonnie and went to Half Moon bay for pumpkins! Then I turned 23.

I got new cousins! My Aunt Jayne adopted two sweet sweet little ones. They're actually related somehow (my gramas cousins somethings great grand kids or something) but now they're just my cousins! Koa is 4 and D'Lila is 3. They are crazy cute and so fun! Love em!
Last but not least here are my girls! Brooke is 7 and Delaney is 4. The first picture is more recent and post Laneys attempt to cut her own bangs. They are adorable girls with hearts of gold! I am so so blessed to be with their family and fall more in love with these little monsters every day I'm with them.

That's all for now! I'll try to post more often so they don't have to be so long!

thanks giving

waiting for the parade to start and inspired by jon and carly's sassiness last night... here is this years thankful list.
The Word. Bridgeway. My family. Coffee shops. Deep conversations. Pumpkin spice lattes and carmel apple cider. Study dates. Flood. Malawi. Mission trips. Rain. Eddie and my hip hop class. Dancing. Singing. Mrs. Leighton. The Barkleys, my nanny fam. Sherilyn Smith. High schoolers and little kids. Coloring. Mountain Dew when I need a kick in the pants. Quality leadership. Naps. The beach. Cell phones (sometimes). Clean water. Bobby pins. Janna, the girl who does my hair. Ruby Tovar. Jeremiah Kim. The Prays. Lindsay. Drill team. Vacations. Laughing. Freedom. Nice people. Shannon. Adam and Corrie Klekowski. Kelly and Cameron Perry. Reunions. Justice. Dan Hoffman. Old and new friends. Heaters. The Bal's. The Battenfields. The military. Cozy sweatshirts. College. Spanish. Al and Rosa. Slippers. Beds. Girls. My mom. Cleaning. Puppies.

Alright alright...
I'm pretty sure no one checks this anymore but I got tagged! I've also heard a few feisty comments from Mr. Jon Pray about my lack on blogging... so Pray family, this one's for you!

1. This one doesn't follow the rules because it's quite obvious, considering my last post was in June. I'm a horrible blogger. I check everyone elses blogs ALL the time... even people I don't know's blogs. Confession: I'm a blog lurker. Heck, I even check Ross the intern's blog... you know, the guy from whatever that late night show is. I love it, I want to be his friend. Heck I want to be everyone's friend.

2. I love and I mean l-o-v-e taco bell. Go ahead, tell me it's cat food, dog meat, I've heard it all but I don't even care! If it is... then bring on the cat food! And squeeze on some extra soupy cheese! I could eat it multiple times a week (and my first year or two in college I did). There isn't one thing on the menu I don't like. Quesadillas, nachos, tacos, Mexican pizzas, gorditas, burritos... love em all. Im kinda hungry.

3. I am a closet hip-hop dancer. Since my first year in college (minus a few year hiatus for San Diego) I've taken a hip-hop class at my gym. It's my favorite. The teacher is hilarious and so much fun and there's nothing like letting your inner back-up dancer out. The people watching on the cardio machines probably laugh at me but who stinkin cares?! I'd like to think that as long as I've danced I've learned enough to make me not look totally ridiculous but I feel slightly cool. Every once in a while someone I know will be working out during the class and realize I'm in there and be bold enough to say something. They're always surprised. I'm lucky if it's someone from church... those are always the most entertaining ones. Give it try one time, just drop it like it's hot. See what happens!

4. I am a HUGE KCRA news fan... and I mean huge! I feel like (or at least like to pretend) I know all the people on there! I was seriously sad when I heard Dave and Lois were retiring, they've been on my whole life! Del Rogers, or who my mom and I affectionately call, Pumpkin Head, worked all the high school football games (which if you knew me in high school was a huge part of my life). I have a serious passion for my favorite meteorologist mr. mark finan. I don't care if he's balding. I've loved him in a weird, Doppler radar kind of way, since I was like 7.

5. I like to rollerblade. That's right. I said it. Go ahead, make fun. Yes it was cool in the 90's and isn't anymore. I'm ok with that. People who live in San Diego don't even really believe me when I say this but it's kind of cool there. People rollerblade on the boardwalk! You just don't notice them because rollerblading ISN'T that weird! My roomie from SD, Brittni and I used to rollerblade from PB to Mission beach on Sunday dates and it was totally cool. Think what you may, I rollerblade.

6. I go CRAZY when people (which is most people in the greater Sacramento area) don't know how to merge! I mean seriously... it will happen naturally if you a. don't come to a complete stop in the merging lane b. don't freak out when i am merging and slam on your brakes when im coming. AND if you do slam on your breaks don't get mad at ME! You're the idiot driver who doesn't know how to let me merge! You're the brake-slammer! Not me! i mean really it's not a hard concept... just make a little tiny bit of room and let me do my thing. People in Southern California get it. They have to. Here it's like the end of the world and no one knows what to do. It's just merging.

ooooh... sorry to end on a sour note.

here are my tags...
oh wait. i'm the last one to do it.
i'll re-tag people?
Heather
Amy
Carly
Kate
Tamsen

and I'll try to blog more. sorry bloggy friends.

Ops I forgot!

I forgot to post this! This is an article written by Mindi, who I lived with last summer. She is working in Ethiopia this summer- check out her blog! The article talks about the initial contact we had with the village behind our compound last summer.

Update Update Update!

I write from Sacramento! YES! I live here! I just got carpet and lino in my new place and can't wait to officially move in this weekend. I am LOVING my job! The girls are sweet and the parents are super relaxed! I am definitely feeling like this is right. Finally! Praise God!

On a not as exciting note, my nephew, Noah is sick sick. Long story but basically he is in the hospital with a resistant case of pneumonia. After days of breathing treatments and antibiotics in the hospital it looks like they will knock him out today, take a CT scan on his lungs and do a procedure where they look in his lungs and hopefully remove whatever is left in his lungs. He is surprisingly upbeat and happy-go-lucky for his situation. Shadowridge, Andrew and Amy's church has been awesome coordinating home-made and healthy meals for them at the hospital. Mr. Noah Bean has a sweet supply of new toys and watches lots of Elmo and Pooh. They have lots of visitors to keep Noah distracted and the hospital staff has been great too! So please, keep Noah, Andrew and Amy and their doctors in your prayers!

Here he is watching t.v. from his crib in the hospital

This is Noah listening to a story "Uncle Dan" was reading to him. So sweet.I'll pictures of the new place up once I get my "new" hand-me-down camera from Amy!

My good friends Ruby and Jeremiah just got back from another trip to Malawi. They went with a team from my San Diego church, Flood to commission our church plant there, Flood Malawi! They had a great time and the grand opening service at Flood Malawi had over 100 people present! What a blessing for them to see so much hard work come to fruition (I love that word). I loved every one of Ruby's pictures but here are a few that I think are extra special!

Here is the dynamic duo reunited in Mtsiliza! Thoko adores Jeremiah and although they said he was shy at first clearly loved seeing his auntie and uncle again!

Thoko and Ruby! His face looks so much older than last year, you can check the older blogs, pictures are up of him. We're a little concerned about his health because of his eyes and legs but he is in the feeding program now so hopefully that will help him out. We love that little monster.

The Flood team got to attend this years African Bible College graduation where our Pastor, Matt "P Matt" was the speaker! Yay! Here is Chikondi, she interned at Mtsiliza with us getting ready to walk! So exciting!Thomasin "Tamsen" lived with us last summer and she was the Valedictorian! Go Tam!
Here are some of the widows we worked with last summer when they saw Ruby and Jeremiah. They said they went CRAZY as you can see by their faces! They were dancing, singing, chanting and crying! Oh to live with that kind of passion for people...

This is Jeremiah, Graden (a friend from San Diego), Promise, Ruby and Z. Promise and Z lived and worked with us last year too!
Ruby and Jmaih got to see Miriam and Chance too! They are engaged and will get married next year. Miriam graduated from ABC last year and worked with us at Njewa and Chance has graduated from ABC too and spent last summer working in Uganda. He is now helping to run the Njewa site and work in Lilongwe. The girls doing the internship this summer will get to spent lots of time with him! They're awesome!Ill try to post again soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Dinner Better Friends

Tonight I was able to get together and share dinner with old and new friends. Mawi, Kelsey and Jeremiah went to Malawi with me and were able to join fellow Flood college groupers Rachel, Karin, Leslie and Sarah who will be doing the same internship we got to participate in last summer, this summer. We all got together tonight at my house for vegetarian lasagna, salad, french bread and a yummy ice cream concoction (possible recipes to come like the oh-so-famous recipe mondays/thursdays of Carly Pray and Miss Kate Wright). More importantly we got to chat about Malawi and the internship. Hopefully we didn't confuse them too much. We encouraged them to educate themselves, find and pursue their passions and expand their view of this internship. We want to be a source of information and guidance for them as well as supporters and a cheering section for the girls.

I thought I'd post some pictures, partly for the girls and partly just to remember some of things we chatted about tonight. Here's to Malawi and more conversations, girls!

Here are the girls that worked in the widows program. This is regular "village attire". Unfortunately it's not a shot of Angie's quilt skirt but the picture does feature Funa (to the right of Mawi)'s chitinge, traditional Malawian wrap. Sarah, I'm holding my "nalgene"!

Food. Here we go. Don't be scared. Nsima, the big white blob is pretty much tasteless and feels kind of like playdough. If you're lucky you'll get to taste it at "culture night". You'll also see mini usipa, the tiny whole fish. The rest of the stuff is "relish" there are three kinds on this plate. The cabbage relish (my favorite- cabbage, tomato, oil and onion) is at 12:00, next to that is egg relish and then... well to be quite honest I don't know what the brown one is... it's probably salty though! Yay Rachel!

Here are the widows girls with the widows! Yay! The program is huge so this is just one "class". Chikondi, the girl kneeling furthest to the left is wearing "national wear". Wearing it shows respect and is the nicest dress up outfit Malawians wear. She was wearing it because this was our last day in the village and we had a party. The widows and Funa are all in their chitinges. Please girls, note the babies tied on their backs.This is Jeremiah, wearing his teaching gear with Thoko, the little boy he told you about tonight. He's precious. Jeremiah made him a tie out of the scraps from the widows so they could match. Heart warming, really.Here is church wear! There are many important things in this picture... 1. notice Jeremiahs tie. The cool guys in Malawi wear their ties short like that... who knows why. When in Rome... 2. The girl on the left is Monica- she started the widows program and Rachel, she's from Folsom! Woot Woot! Nor Cal! Church attire might be different if you guys go to Flood Malawi but this is a safe bet you'll always have your jeans if Flood Malawi is more casual.

This is Ruby's, Kelsey's, Angie's and my closet. We each took two shelves, one for clothes and one for stuff. There were shelves in the bathroom for that stuff. Ruby brought a ton of clothes but this is pretty much all we each brought- pretty simple. I kept an extra pillow case for dirty clothes under my bed.This is a Sunday after church. Everyone else went to ABC to play soccer but we stayed at the compound to watch movies and do our nails :) Lovely! This is inside where you'll probably live. Bunk beds! Notice the laundry (socks and unmentionables) drying on our beds, the sheets, and mosquito nets. LAUNDRY! Hand washing with one bucket for everyone! The Malawian girls can teach you how to do it well. We brought the concentrated detergent but you can also bring one for all four of you until you can buy some in town (Malawian detergent is in the yellow bag on the shelf). It's made specifically for hand washing but they both work well. It's up to you! Everything but socks and undeewears go out on the line behind the dorms.

There you go... just to wet your appetites!

VIVA MEXICO!

What an amazing week, as always! The post is a little late, sorry, but better late than never right?!

Here is everyone in front of our fabulous San Diego hosts, Fletcher Hills Pres. This year we took 90+ high school students and adults! Crazy but fun! They were fantastic!

Our group was split into 5 teams... here's mine! They're rad students! The students spend months planning and preparing to put on 4 days of vacation bible school for local church's and their communities. They did a great job preparing a themed vbs called "en sus brazos" and were totally flexible when we arrived at our church for Sunday service and learned they didn't want us to put on a vbs!

We spent two days mixing and pouring concrete where we were standing in the last picture... here's the finished product!

Our Mexican host church, Iglesia de Cristo has AMAZING ministries in place that we got to help support! They have a group of neighborhood kids of about 25 that we hosted a one day of vbs for but in addition Anna runs a program in another neighborhood for 70+ kids! They also have a rad elderly ministry. A group of 100+ seniors meet down at the harbor once a week to pray and fellowship. Anna and her congregation care for these amazing people calling them their adopted abuelitos. We got to spend a beautiful afternoon with them right by the water. The students and adults adopted 4-5 "abuelitos". They learned eachothers names, prayed and sang together in English and Spanish. They will (hopefully) send a card or two throughout the year and lift them up in prayer. It was so exciting to get to forge new territory for FPC and Azusa Pacific as well moving from children's ministries to elderly!

The week was really encouraging for me personally! I was surrounded by people who know me and love me well. As much as I adore San Diego there's something to be said for having history with people. I loved getting to spend time with Mary Sob, Marie, Sarah and some of the other girls/women on the trip but I was especially blessed by my time with Godly men. Scott Battenfield and Senior "Curt" Hobbs are two men I've known for years and years who love well. They, among other men on the trip, exemplify Godly men and fathers. They love their children well, but put their wives before them and most importantly, God first. Thank you guys for your encouragement, character and love. You're the best!

The Hardest Easiest Question

"What do you want, Man P?"

Last night I got to talk to my good friend Dan for a fantastic two hours. Dan knows me well, he loves me and cares for me well. We spent the summer together in Malawi and ironically have talked about our experiences very litle. Last night he asked me (again) the question that seems impossible for me to answer- what do I want?

Here's my easy answer... I want to be in God's will and know it. Even as I type that I know it's a cop out. True, yes but not the whole truth. That's not even an answer, what am I thinking? Why do I have such trouble answering that question? Am I afraid of my own answer? Am I afraid to dream it? Probably. Dan kept telling me, Man P you're in the best place ever, you have every option available. I remember crying on the phone to my amazing brother before I left for Africa. I felt like I had nothing to come home to. He made Dr. Hokoda proud and reframed my negative thinking telling me that I had everything to come home to, anything. Why isn't that exciting for me? It should be! Am I avoiding my own responsibility in it? If I try something and it's not perfect then it's not my fault, I didnt chose it. I don't think I'm afraid of failing... then what is it?

I know my next step in life is a stage. All of life is- little steps and stages put together to make a beautiful and hopefully faithfully used God-given time on earth. I know in my head that whatever I end up doing next is not what I have to do forever. I could, like Dan suggested, go back to Africa for a few years and then come back.

Dan will be talking at some conference about what team leaders can do to prepare their teams traveling to Africa. Here's what I don't think I could have heard enough- most people don't really care about your experiences in Africa. I think most people care a little but don't know how to ask the right questions to hear about it. They want to see one or two pictures of the cute snotty nosed orphan without shoes and they want to hear, "it was amazing, it changed my life, they have so little but are so happy" bla bla bla. Does anyone really have that report when they come back? ... that was tangent.

Oprah a few days ago was about the law of attraction and the power of possitive thinking. A little cooky, yes, and a bit off but almost inline! How do get what we want and know we got what we wanted if we didnt know we wanted it. Flood encourages us to make "dream boards" or what they called on the show "vision boards". You cut out images and words from magazines that reflect yours dreams and where you want your life to go. What would Amanda's new dream board look like? Maybe Ill make one tomorrow.

I want...

passion

purpose

family

community/connection/intimacy

excitment

I can't wait to go to Mexico this year. When can I ever? That ranch represents clarity in my life. It's where I first felt God's calling on my life to live on the edge. It's where I first fell in love with waking up each morning with no other purpose but to glorify God. It's where I first felt used meaningfully. It's my holy ground. I can't think of a better place to ground myself and do some good old thinking and soul searching. Maybe I'll be able to answer the hardest easiest question of my life there. maybe. Maybe it will be life Africa was for me and create more questions than answers. We'll see.

Lord, give me courage to answer the question. I think you're glorified in our dreams. I don't believe you want us to fear them. I miss dreaming, what's going on in me that has made me stop? You are the Lord of our dreams and the One who can make them come to fruition. Father, take my hopes, fears and aprhention and let my dreams soar. You are a soverign God and my heart has refuge remembering that you hold it in delicate balance.

to clarify...

I am not engaged... not even close.
My brother called me tonight, after supressing the urge from 2:30 this morning to call. He read my blog early this morning and was convinced I was engaged (or at least was asked) and had neglected to tell him. Just in case you had the same thought I'd like put you at ease... I'm not :) And! If I were, and you read this blog... you'd probably among the first to know!

I'm off to a goodbye party for my friend Chelsea. She's moving to Australia tomorrow! Crazy! Afterward we might be headed to one of my and my roommates favorite places in San Diego- Incahoots for some good ol line dancing! YEE HAW!

P.S. I went to the bay and walked this morning... if you live in San Diego and haven't walked around the bay- go do it! Its a really nice walk... if you can get over the sound from the freeway ;)

African Relections, more to come

January 17 2008, 5 months from the day I left Malawi, Africa. I feel like I am just beginning to process the chaos and beauty I experienced for two of the shortest and longest months of my life. Will I ever fully process my experiences in Malawi? I don’t believe I will. They were times that challenged me beyond belief, exposed me to unimaginable heartache and accustomed me to a love I had yet to know.
I absolutely love to talk about Malawi and Africa as a whole. I thrive off questions, good and specific questions. Teaching people about the realities of Africa, poverty and the joy of salvation I experienced there gives me life. My time in Africa was not spiritually filling like my time in Mexico almost always is but it was spiritually real. The reality of death in Africa is so much more vibrant than it is here and that is depressing when you realize so many of the dead had tribal beliefs and were likely unsaved. At the same time the reality of death brings a joy of salvation we aren’t blessed with in North America. When death is real life is real and I long for nothing more in my life than a true sense of reality… I think. Authenticity is what I love and that is what I got.
In one of my pre-Africa journal entries I write, “where you lead, I will follow- scared and excited”. That is still my montra but now I am unsure of the path. In May I knew I was headed to Malawi, confident in God’s lead but now I sit in my beautiful, ridiculous, room temperature house wondering where I’m going. Where ever it is I long for it to be drenched in His presence. I was so afraid that I was called to full time missions then. Now I feel like I’m ready to go- I just am not sure that’s where I’m supposed to go. I sit in limbo wondering. If full time missions is it then God, lets go. It will hurt, it takes time, Malawi taught me many realities of full time missions. If that is my future I’m ready to go. I just long for the go ahead. I feel like I’m sitting stagnant at a fork with two amazing, beautiful and vibrant paths ahead of me. Each filled with much joy, hardship and love. How do I know which one is for me? Are they both for me and God will be wherever I am? Is it like choosing a college? Pray over it, make some pro and con lists, think a little logistically and go? They are just so drastically different- much more different than San Diego State or Sac State. Every single thing would be different. I know that in what seems like no time I will be looking back at this entry and thinking- why was I freaking out. God is good and so is His work in my life. I was headed in the right direction. I trust in that now. I just get stuck in thinking about where I will be looking back from. Will it be a humble shack in Malawi or Mexico as I relax with my missionary husband after spending all my energy loving on the oppressed and sick? Or will it be from my cozy bed in the U.S. as I consider raising a family near my own? Both will be filled with love, passion and energy. That’s how I live but they are night and day. I feel like this is the turning point- I am at the edge of something beautiful, it’s just over the horizon but when will I catch a glimpse of what’s to come?
In another journal entry I ask God to reveal to me the places I run to when I want to hide from God or His calling. Am I hiding? Is that why I can’t decide? I still pray Lord, they my heart is yours first. I used to think I wanted You to have it first because You wouldn’t let it break. That’s not true. You will, for the things that break yours and I continue to pray what I have prayed since high school. Lord, break my heart for the things that break Yours. I desire more than anything to be motivated by what motivates You. I long to make change where you desire to see it. If that motivation comes from a broken heart then bring on the breaking. I want to love how you love and teach what You teach. You are my Master, Healer, Redeemer, Father, Lover, Friend. You are good and faithful. Teach me what I need to learn and may my desire to learn from You never be fully quenched.

“I call, You answer and you came to my rescue and I want to be where You are”.